If Spammers Only Knew English...

Usually, I blow away spam email without a second thought. ("Mailwasher" is a wonderful little program that prevents junk email from ever seeing the inside of my computer...) But once in a while, it's fun to see just how bad some of these low-life's can be. For our amusement, here are a couple.

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal Transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of Fedex,Ibrahim Sule,Larry Christopher, Puppy Scammers are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

Puppy scammers? The cads! They don't even wait until they're full-grown dogs? What about the kitty scammers? But I'm glad to hear that none officials of Oceanic Bank are involved. They seem like such nice people.

Therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by cordinating your payment in total USD$10.5million in an ATM CARD which you can use to withdraw money from any ATM MACHINE CENTER anywhere in the world with a maximum of $10000 United States Dollars daily. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in an ATM CARD.

Well, my bank says I can withdraw $200 per day through their ATM's. So it will only take 143 years to withdraw the total illegal Transaction. Guess I should get started...

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, you have to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free it is our duty to protect the American Citizens. All I want you to do is to contact the ATM CARD CENTER via email for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip on your behalf which will cost you $570 only and note that your Approval Slip which contains details of the agent who will process your transaction.

How do I be rest assured? And $570 for an Approval Slip? It's been a long time since I've needed an Approval Slip, but it sure seems like the prices have gone way up.

CONTACT INFORMATION

Country: Ivory Coast

NAME: Mr. Kelvin Williams

Phone No# +22502943539

EMAIL: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Do contact Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM CARD CENTRE with your details:

FULL NAME:

HOME ADDRESS:

TELL:

Tell what?

CELL:

CURRENT OCCUPATION:

BANK NAME:

So your files would be updated after which he will send the payment informations which you'll use in making payment of $570 via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer for the procurement of your Approval Slip after which the delivery of your ATM CARD will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay. Please if you know you cannot be able to afford the $570 for the delivery of your ATM card via FedEx then do not bother to contact Mr. Kelvin Williams as we are at the End of the year and he should be busy with some other things.

Hmm...I don't know about the FBI, but in the rest of the world, it's only June.

We order you get back to this office after you have contacted the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER and we do await your response so we can move on with our Investigation and make sure your ATM SWIFT CARD gets to you.

Thanks and hope to read from you soon.

They order me to get back to this office, and then they start acting friendly? What's up with that? And is the ATM CARD CENTRE the same thing as the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER? Can we at least be consistent with the spelling?

FBI Director Robert S.Mueller III.

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possesion of your ATM CARD, you are hereby adviced only to be in contact with Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

First, the FBI wants to talk to me...

Puppy scammers? The cads! They don't even wait until they're full-grown dogs? What about the kitty scammers? But I'm glad to hear that none officials of Oceanic Bank are involved. They seem like such nice people.

Well, my bank says I can withdraw $200 per day through their ATM's. So it will only take 143 years to withdraw the total illegal Transaction. Guess I should get started...

How do I be rest assured? And $570 for an Approval Slip? It's been a long time since I've needed an Approval Slip, but it sure seems like the prices have gone way up.

Tell what?

Hmm...I don't know about the FBI, but in the rest of the world, it's only June.

They order me to get back to this office, and then they start acting friendly? What's up with that? And is the ATM CARD CENTRE the same thing as the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER? Can we at least be consistent with the spelling?

Isn't this nice? They include a picture of the Director, just so I know it's really from him. Maybe I should start doing that with my email...

What's a "PICTURE STRUCTURE"? Looks like a regular ol' picture to me... Would it help speed things up if I actually visit their office?

Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? (That's where the picture came from...) More to come...