Subject: HERKY: Making fun of Gophers
    Date: Wed, 04 Jun 1997 19:36:30 +0000 (GMT)
Question: "Do you know how to get rid of a Minnesota graduate when they knock on your door?"

Answer: "Pay them for the pizza."

Subject: HERKY: An Iowa Farmer in Hell (fwd)
    Date: Mon, 2 Jun 1997 10:02:23 -0500 (EST)
    From: Jonathan Ingels/Hoosier Hawkeye 

Here's a variation on a fine joke...
A farmer dies and goes to hell. While down there the Devil notices that the farmer is not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauges and sees that it's 90 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the farmer and asks why he's so happy. The farmer says "I like it here. The temperature is just like plowing my fields in June."

The Devil isn't happy with the farmer's answer and decides to get him, so he goes over and turns up the temperature to 100 degrees and the humidity to 90%. After turning everything up he goes looking for the farmer. He finds him standing around just as happy as can be. The Devil quizzes the farmer again as to why he's so happy. The farmer says "This is even better. It's like pulling weeds in the fields during July."

The Devil, now upset, decides to really make the farmer suffer. He goes over to the controls and turns the heat up to 120 degrees and the humidity to 100%. "Now lets see what the farmer is up to," he says. So he goes looking for the farmer. He finds him sitting on the floor even happier then before. The Devil can't figure it out. He asks the farmer why he's happy now. The farmer replies, "This is great, it's just like working in the silo with my friends in August."

The Devil says "That's it, I'll get this farmer." He goes over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees and no humidity. "Let's see what the farmer has to say about this." The Devil looks around and finds the farmer jumping up and down for joy and yelling:.......


After the Hawks pasted Texas Tech in the 1996 Alamo Bowl, Tech's Byron Hanspard claimed that Satan caused the flu that affected Hanspard's performance. This didn't sit well with most Herksters, and led to the following. . .

Date: Fri, 03 Jan 1997 14:42:45 -0800
From: Alan Kline 
Organization: Oppressed MCR Operators of America (OMCROA)
Subject: Re: HERKY: OK, I wuz wrong; but a ? too.

Laffey, Greg wrote:
> Why stop there Byron? Perhaps the Devil himself was manifested in the
> Iowa Hawkeyes. Are we the evil empire? Satan's army? With this in mind,
> I give you the top five reasons the Iowa Hawkeyes cannot represent Satan
> in intercollegiate athletics:
> 5. Placing actual horns on Hawkeye helmets will necessitate "spearing"
> rule change.
> 4. Appears to be in direct conflict with popular state slogan, "Is this
> heaven...No it's Iowa."
> 3. Lawsuit filed by local grocery store following University
> announcement that they will sacrifice EconoKids to the demon god
> during halftimes at Carver Hawkeye Arena.
> 2. Pep/Marching band having trouble learning "In hell there is no beer".
> 1. NCAA ruling that 666 is not a valid jersey number.

A few more. . .

6.  Hayden would look really silly wearing that red satin suit with the
pointy ears. . .
7.  DM Register won't change slogan to "The Newspaper Hell Depends Upon".
8.  Even Mary Sue Coleman won't say we're the "best athletic program 
in Hell". . .
9.  Only pitchfork available was in the life-size "American Gothic" 
recreation in CR, and they're not letting it go. . .
10. Snow and sleet keep putting out the fire & brimstone, and we're
running out of matches. . .
11. Bobby Knight beat us to it. . .

Other Herky humor. . .

Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 14:56:58 -0500
Subject: Re: HERKY: Michiganers

Bumper sticker seen on the back of a car in Columbus, OH....................

DIRECTIONS TO ANN ARBOR -   Go north until you smell it, west until you step
in it.

Disclaimer - I have nothing against Michiganers.  Can only agree that Western
Michigan is a great place to vacation in the summer.

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Last revised Monday, 23-Jan-2006 14:59:49 CST