Well, let's look at the inbox again, shall we? Today's installment of spam scams written in lousy English once again involves the FBI...

It has been discovered that your contract/inheritance/winning FUND was about being transferred to an unknown account under your name. This attempt was perpetrated by someone who claims to be working for you, and that you have given him due authority to have the FUND moved to the account specified below:

SOUTHWESTERN FEDERAL CREDIT UNION
WESCORP 924 OVERLAND COURT
SAN DIMAS, CA 91772. USA.
ACCOUNT NUMBER: xxxxxxxxx
ABA/ROUTING NUMBER: xxxx-41-21-9
SHARETYPE NO.: 25
FINAL CREDIT HABIB FENZI AND CO. (Beneficiary).

Sorry, but I haven't seen good ol' Habib in years and years...

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I.) waded in after being alerted by the supposed bank.

Waded in??? The FBI waded into an investigation like a timid 4-year-old approaches a pool? Yeah, right.

We investigated and found that there is a possible money laundering activity in play. The FUND (US$12,000,000.00) was found to be deposited in Bank of America in your name pending your consent to have it transferred to the new account indicated above. It was further revealed that initial FUND transfer originated from Nigeria to England and now here in Bank of America in USA. These transfers did not follow due process in line with the international FUND transfer rules and regulation.

Oh, my gosh. They're on to me...

Consequently, we suspect this be a terrorism funding, drug related fund deposit and/or money laundering. As stated above, the FUND has your name on it; and you must have it cleared of any connection with any of these illegal activities. Be informed that FAILURE to have this cleared out will attract a JAIL TERM. We will not hesitate to visit the full weight of the law upon you if you do not clear this fund. There is every indication that you are involved in this shady deal.

"Visit the full weight of the law"??? Why not let the law stay awhile? Let it sit down and take some of the weight off... Or maybe I should start typing every other WORD in all CAPITALS... That really looks impressive.

Finally, you are expected to have the CLEARANCE DOCUMENT obtain from where the FUND originated from to have you and your fund cleared. Only then shall we release your FUND as clean money devoid of any illegality, and you will be free of any involvement. To this end, you are to contact Mr. Spencer Lulu of the Anti Graft Department of Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (E.F.C.C.) Nigeria and have the DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL of TRANSFER (DIST) CLEARANCE DOCUMENT obtained. Contact him through this direct email address: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , Note that you have 72hrs to obtain this crucial Documentation.

I'm quaking in my shoes... This came yesterday, so I guess I only have 48hrs to obtain this crucial Documentation. Oh, my! Where do I start?

This has to be cleared!
You are warned!

I'm still quaking...

Faithfully Yours

Oh, so now we're Mr. Nice Guy again...

Robert S. Mueller 111

Robert S. Mueller the one-hundred and eleventh? Wouldn't 111 generations be something like since the beginning of time?

FBI Director
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
FBI-Washington Field Office
601 4th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20535
E-MAIL : This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Um, since when does the FBI use free Microsoft email accounts?  These guys didn't even send a picture of the J. Edgar Hoover Building. Not even the Herbert Hoover Building. Rats... I guess I shouldn't worry about that right now. I need to get that Documentation first. Or maybe I'll have a burrito and watch "Hogan's Heroes".